Mom's Top 10 Medical Maladies

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1. Congestive Art Failure: The inability to find room for one more cross-eyed portrait of Daddy on the fridge
2. Sexczema: The way your skin crawls when your husband tries to cop a feel after you've spent a long day with a whiny, clingy kid
3. Mallergies: Severe aversion to large shopping centers after enduring back-to-school shopping with your moody tween
4. Damnesia: Disorientation at hearing your child use a bad word, until you remember he heard you use it first
5. "My" Graine: Throbbing headache after spending a two-hour playdate refereeing fights over a single toy in a chock-full basement
6. Hymnsomnia: Sleeplessness due to anxiety over how one's offspring will behave in church
7. Manopause: Overwhelming need for a girls' night out following an afternoon of baseball widowhood
8. Robotomy: Abrupt reversal of your upbeat mood after you step on your child's favorite action figure, amputating its limbs
9. Gastrointerestitis: Excessive focus on what your child could've eaten that made him sick
10. Carpool Tunnel Syndrome: Sensation of spending one's days endlessly shuttling rowdy kids to soccer practice and piano lessons.
    By: Deborah Skolnik